1. Be kind to yourself. Why is it that we are often so much more generous with others than we are with ourselves? I will so often see people starting exercise programs and get so frustrated at the pace of change. Remember that things take time. Give your self permission to fail-as sometimes failure is what propels us forward. Be proud of yourself! You deserve happiness. Don't wait for someone to give it to you; give it to yourself.
2. Take the time to be present. Get on the floor and play a game with your kids. Read out loud together. Turn off the phone at dinner and listen. Ask your spouse/friend/mother how their day was, and really be interested in the answer. It takes courage to be honest. If someone is brave enough to be vulnerable with you, make sure you honor that with a true listening ear. Be there with people, not just in body, but in mind and heart, too.
3. Make your family the priority. How often do we see things with slogans that say "family first"...but do people really mean it? Family can be blood and it can be adopted or assimilated-but whoever are your people, nurture those relationships. Call your parents. Forgive your siblings. Visit your grandparents if you are lucky enough to have them. You will never be upset at yourself for calling, but you will be upset if you don't. Why invite guilt? Just do it!
4. Let go of expectations. This is huge. Stop waiting for people to be anything other than who they are. I spent years hoping for different reactions from both my parents and it impacted how satisfied I was able to be in the relationships I have with them. You can't control anyone except yourself and how YOU react, so why not allow people to be who they are, too. This doesn't mean we need to be okay with abusive or hurtful behavior. What it means is that you shouldn't have to experience the disappointment over and over again. By accepting your mother/child/spouse/boss as they come, you allow yourself the space to move forward.
5. Make your bed. I didn't learn to do this until I was an adult (i.e. I didn't understand the value, not that I didn't know how!) and I am telling you that life is better when your bed is made. I don't know if it's the lack of chaos in your bedroom or that hot damn, it feels good to get into a clean bed, but it will make your life better. I promise.
6. Cook more. It's healthier and saves money, but it's also a form of connection. Some of my fondest childhood memories are in the kitchen with my mother-and now in my kitchen with my daughters. It is also a cultural connection; making latkes on Hanukkah is not only awesome because they are the BEST.THING.EVER but because it connects me with my ancestors, and all other Jews doing the same thing.
7. Stop comparing yourself to other people. Social media is amazing in many ways, but it's also dangerous to our self-esteem. People present the versions of themselves they want you to see, not the always the truest version. Everyone has struggles. We all feel fat sometimes. We all make mistakes and feel shitty. None of our marriages are perfect. As Morrissey once said; "I am human and I need to be loved. Just like everybody else does." We are all part superhero and part villain. And that is OKAY.
8. Let go of fear. You know what separates the really successful people from the middle of the road-ers? Risk. It's scary to take chances, to live your dreams, to put yourself out there. Fear keeps us stagnant and the real growth happens when you let that fear go. The great changes in life happen when you acknowledge you are scared and then DO IT ANYWAY. Don't wait to live your best life. Change is scary, but you know what? It's so worth it.
9. Stop complaining! Please, I beg you, stop it. Complaining is basically putting the blame on others, and allowing yourself to live in the misery. Now, I am all in favor of a pity party now and again, but after that it's time to put on the big girl panties and DO something. Seriously, complaining doesn't make anything better. It makes you hard to be around. No one likes a negative Nancy (no offense to all the lovely Nancys in the world). Yes, bad things happen. Yes things suck. But things are also amazing. You are blessed beyond measure. Live in that.
10. Be present in your blessings. Gratitude is a life-changer. Making the decision to be thankful for all you have, even when if feels like things are crumbing, is the key to a happy life. It's purely a matter of perspective. Charles Dickens once said “Reflect upon your present blessings -- of which every man has many -- not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.” Especially around the holidays, think of all the wonders in your world. And they don't have to be big. Some days I am grateful for everything, other days it's harder and I remember I am thankful for how much things change, for the ability to reflect, for a hug. Beginning and ending your day with gratitude will not change what you have, but it will change how you view things. And perspective is where it's at.
xx, Randie
No comments
Post a Comment