What a Difference a Year Makes

I turned 41 yesterday. It was a fairly uneventful day as birthdays go. Went to work, got flowers from my husband and co-workers, sushi with the family and then wine and snuggles. I can't quite remember but I am guessing that the logistics of last year were fairly similar.

Except for, well, everything.

This picture is from a surprise 40th birthday party my husband threw me last year.

It was on January 31. The next week I was set to have another party in Albany with my friends to celebrate.

I cancelled it. I lied to all everyone and told them I had the flu. The truth was a saw that picture and I cried. I was able to lie to myself for a long-ass time, but the photo could not. I was so dismayed at how far I had let myself go.

The three years leading up to my 40th were, for lack of a better word, chaotic. I moved to three different states with two small children. Three jobs. I got divorced. And engaged. It was A LOT. And I never stopped to take the time to check in with myself. So I coped however I could; with wine, with food, with lethargy. I stopped working out. I had been an avid runner and had been regularly active from the time I was a teenager. By the time I turned 40, I had gained 50 pounds in three years.

By happenstance a few weeks later, I ended up getting a bikini wax and having a chat with the girl doing it. We got to talking and she ended up sharing some information with me about her own journey. She asked me if I would be interested in joining her fitness accountability group, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Today I have kept off 25 pounds for 8 months. I still have some more to go, but that's okay. I no longer feel icky in my own skin. I feel strong. I feel sexy. And best of all: I have, I think for the first time in my life, a healthy relationship with food. The 21 day fix actually freed me from being a slave to the diet. I allow myself luxurious food and drinks...but I do so in moderation. I no longer think "okay, I ate like shit today, might as well keep at it." If I want something, I decide if it's worth it. And then if I partake, I do it. Guilt free.

This is me at 41. I think I look good. And how you see yourself? That's where the money's at.

xx, Randie